Dear Debby

Namaste

I wrote this letter to Debby, which I gave to her on the 29th of December and asked her to read after we had enjoyed our meeting. It expressed much of what I believe and hope that it will give my readers some insight into the person I am.

*~*~*

Dear Debby

I am very happy that we had the chance to meet today (please ignore the date at the top). After two years away it was a pleasure to see you again. You have always been wonderfully kind and friendly to me and I treasure that. Please remember that.

I don't know if I've asked you to read this first or after - I suspect I've asked you to read this after our catch up because I've always been uncomfortable about trying to explain my beliefs to you. I think this is because you are so happy with where you sit in your beliefs and so sure that what you believe is true that I have never wanted to disappoint you. But I think it is time that I come true to you and told you my beliefs. This is both for your benefit and mine. By taking this step you - a person whose presence I have treasured in my life - will learn more about me and I will solidify my beliefs in a more tangible manner because I will no longer be hiding one of the most important parts of myself from a woman I highly respect.

Debby, shortly before I first met you - in 2006 I believe - I was having dreams and thoughts about God. I dreamed constantly about Him and my daily thoughts were consumed with Him to such a degree that, for a time, I could not even really function properly. It was only when I gave in, only when I stopped resisting, that God gave me a break.

Every time you entered my apartment, Debby, God was watching us. Through an idol He looked out - although God needs no idols, no images, God is at once formless and with form for His devotees.

I gave into God's persistence by buying a small murti (what you would call an idol) and setting up a small shrine atop my bookcase. You may remember the posters of Lord Shiva, Durga Ma and Kali Ma that adorned my walls. All different forms that God takes for Her devotees that we might approach Her with a little more ease.

It was only after relenting and setting up that shrine that I was able to return to any semblance of functionality. And once that shrine had been set up I began a journey that involved meeting you and learning about Jehovah and his witnesses and asking myself 'do I agree with what I am learning? Do I agree with this picture of God?'

For awhile there, Debby, I did. Jehovah seemed to be the father I had never known and I prayed every night but eventually I would always be brought back - lovingly - to Lord Shiva and His beneficent smile. It was Lord Shiva who first called me and to Him I always returned.

I think the day that really told me Jehovah was not the right path for me was the day you and some other Witnesses told me about one of the steps they had to take.

That step Debby, was burning the books on different beliefs and any objects of them. One of the young women there mentioned having - I believe - a wooden mask in her home. With it in her house she said she suffered from all sorts of mishaps. It was only when she became a Witness and realised that the mask was demonic that she knew what to do. She burned it, along with the books on different beliefs she had and suddenly it was all good. Maybe it was but I couldn't deal with the thought of burning books. Books are sacred. They are filled with knowledge and should never be so disrespected.

I could never burn books, no matter how much I disagreed with what was written in them. Ever.

I do not believe that Jehovah is God - if anything he is a divine being - but I do believe that Shiva is God. Shiva is God, Krisna is God, Mother Durga, Mother Kali, Parvati Ma, Sri Sri Radharani is God. Every name there is for a different aspect - a different form - that God takes so that His/Her devotees may know Him/Her.

Lord Shiva is forever merciful and most fond of His devottees. Lord Krisna is God as beauty and grace who came down to Earth to answer the desperate prayers of His devotees at a time of strife and He will come down once again as Kalki to spread righteousness and godliness once against amongst mankind.

Mother Durga is the firm, loving power of our universal Mother. She took form to liberate us all, as did Mother Kali who is so fierce, so frightening because She will do anything for us, to bring us to Her. Parvati Ma is Lord Shiva's loving wife, without Whom He is powerless and impotent. Sri Sri Radharani is Lord Krisna's eternal consort; that which even God is enamoured with.

All these different, and sometimes conflicting, forms of God are for the devotees. God takes form for our benefit, so that we may become lost in Her.

He does not punish. She is not angry. He is not jealous. What God is - and so much more - is loving, merciful, playful and joyful. Words do not encompass what God is but when I see an image of Lord Shiva or Ma Durga I see a little of what God is and I feel God's presence.

I needed to tell you this Debby and maybe I should have told you when we first met but I was afraid of losing you as a friend. I know now that if you should choose never to speak to me again or believe me damned that's okay. We are both on the same path but we are not at the same way point.

I love you, Debby, and pray that you understand why I am doing this.

May God bless you
Love always
Chhaya

*~*~*~*

Hopefully this can give you, my readers, some insight in to the sort of person I am.

Om Aim Hrim Klim Chamudayai Vicche Namaha
Chhaya