Chhaya meets Amma

Namaste

Some of you might have heard of Amma, otherwise known as Mata Amritanandaymayi, and some of you and sitting there going 'who?'. She's also known as the Hugging Saint. I had heard of Amma some time ago - I don't remember where or when - and I even have one of her publications (the Lalita Sahasranama). I never dreamed that I would get to meet her so soon or that, on meeting her, I would feel nothing.

Amma is in Melbourne. I only found out that she is in Melbourne on Thursday before going to school. As it was a school day I couldn't go and have darshan but I kept in mind that she would have a public program on Friday as well. I went to school on Friday morning, not knowing if I needed to be there or not, and helped another student out because her partner had not turned up. Because her partner had not turned up and because I had already completed this half of the study last year we were finished by lunch.

'Yes,' I thought, 'I will go and see Amma!' But I almost didn't. It turns out that I had left my phone at home and without my phone - the case of which contains my train ticket - I felt naked and cut off from the world. But I made up my mind after a good half hour of uhm-ing and aah-ing and decided to see Amma anyway. It meant a slightly more expensive train ticket than usual but what the hell, I thought, I was going to see a living, breathing, saint. Maybe she would even be my guru?

She's not, unfortunately.

I got off the train at Sandown Park, a station that is pretty much opposite Sandown Race Course where Amma was holding darshan in the multi-purpose hall. I got there at 3 and walked to the hall with a Jewish man who had come to receive darshan in the hopes that Amma could help him with some health problems. She had already helped him twice before and when we entered the hall he asked 'can you feel it? Can you feel the energy?'. I said 'yes' but... you know what? I didn't feel anything. I felt the energy of hundreds of people - people always buoy me up - but I didn't feel anything special.

We got in line for a token so that we might have darshan but we were told we might not get the chance and it was better if we came back for the evening darshan. My Jewish friend decided he'd try to get darshan then and there and I said I'd try for the evening.

I hung around until the even and while in the darshan token line I met several lovely people. A Hindu family stick out most prominently. They were very friendly and we spent about an hour chatting while we waited to receive our tokens. Once we received them we went off and sat in different areas but keep them in mind, they turn up later!

Darshan wouldn't begin until 10 pm and it was 7.30 when we got our tokens. I had been there since 3 in the afternoon but I didn't mind. I was looking forward to this amazing experience everyone had been raving about. Eventually Amma enters and she speaks for perhaps half an hour and then there are bhajans until 10. At 10 Amma prepares to receive her devotees and offer darshan to everyone. From here everything went very quickly!

My token number was called so I hurried up to the line and was told to sit in chairs labelled 'for darhsan only'/ Guess who I sat next to? The mother of the Hindu family! We talked for a little while and I was told to move forwards because I was a single person and the family were seeing Amma together. Up a seat or two I go to sit next to the daughter! We talk for a few minutes and they are told to move up and then there's the mother again! What a coincidence, what a blessing, to sit beside such happy, beautiful people.

Soon it was my tun and I was told to take off my glasses and kneel at Amma's feet. I did so and Amma hugged me and I hugged Amma and I felt nothing. There was not spark, no connection. Nothing amazing happened. It wasn't even as good as hugging my mum!

As I hugged her, Amma whispered in my ear 'my doll, my doll, my doll'. I think that means she wants me to buy an Amma doll but how can I be sure? Shortly after receiving darshan I left and encountered another devotee at the train station. I was hesitant at first but eventually I asked if it was normal to feel absolutely nothing. She said it was and people over at the Hindu Dharma Forums have said that it's entirely natural not to feel anything. She's not my Guru, after all.

But I continue to hope. Please, Gauri Mataji, let my guru find me soon! I am desperate, my heart is filled with longing to meet that person whom you work through!

I am going to see Amma again on Monday evening. I haven't decided, yet, if I will seek darshan again but I get the feeling that I won't. I am really only attending so that I might pick up the Amma doll I put on hold and I don't even know if she was telling me to buy it! Was she or was she calling me her doll? Pretty on the outside, empty on the inside?

Om Aim Hrim Klim Chamundayai Vicche Namaha

Chhaya